He knows about my illness and still chooses to stay. He cares for me deeply, yet I keep bringing up his past to hurt him. The more he stays quiet, the worse I feel. Sometimes, I’ve even said I wanted to harm myself, just to make him afraid of losing me. I avoid getting help because part of me believes that if I stay like this, he won’t leave. So I keep acting in ways that make him worry. I’m aware of everything, but I still don’t understand why I do it.